Real Worlds

"Driving away from the wreck of the day."
-Anna Nalick
Have you ever thought something could go right? I mean something unexpected and unlikely. The pieces were falling together just perfectly and you thought, "maybe this could work. Maybe its my turn."
Have you ever thought something could go right and then you chickened out before it got its chance?
Have you ever thought something could go right and then you realized that you dont get a fairy-tale?
I have.
Its an interesting feeling, when you have something, because you expect it to be there for you. The feeling. Its supposed to be there to keep you safe from the scary world that you're not a part of. You're not a part of the scary world. Just the real world where people laugh, cry, die, live, love, and thrive. Thats the real world. You're a part of that world. The scary world is where freak accidents happen, people leave, people are murdered, and people stop loving. They stop caring. But you're not a part of the scary world. That isnt your world and you dont worry about it. Until....
When the scary world shows itself to you, you stop trusting. You curl up in a ball and keep to yourself. You dont want to let anyone in because of whats happened in the past. We all have our own scary world, I'm not dramatizing my own life to make it worse than anyone else's, I just wish I could find a replacement. Something better. I wish I could move out of the scary world and back to the real world where everyone else is.
I've learned that trusting doesnt get you very far because trusting only means opening yourself to harm. You openly seek that hurt from the scary world. The scary world doesnt care about you. Neither do the people you come to trust. You are expendable and replaceable and there is no reason for them to care about you, or go out of their way to make sure the scary world hasnt killed you. Life is cruel.
So, when something comes your way and has the potential of going right, you want to believe. You want to think this might be your chance; your turn. But then, remembering what the scary world has just done to you, you walk away before you are hurt, left, and broken. Again.
I'm on my way back to the real world, where people laugh, cry, die, live, love, and thrive.
I want to be there. And I want to be alone.