Six Months Stronger

"No longer the lost; no longer the same."

-Breaking Benjamin

First, I want to say that all posts in 10/10 started with the letter 'S'. This started as an accident then I thought it was pretty legit so I named this one with an 'S' also to keep theme. I hope to never do this again, I hate planned things like that, it makes too much conformity and less inspired random actions that come from Me. After all, I am all about my odd random actions.

So now: my Weird Arm is better!

Six months (and a few days...) ago I had intense surgery and got part of a bone in my elbow taken out. I am proud to say that six months later I have officially healed!

No! Small! Feat!

I am not exaggerating when I say I have dealt with this problem for more than 10 years- and now it is better. Before my 3rd, and last, surgery for this bugger of a problem, I had 10 degrees of rotation (most people have 160-180...) and after I gained 110, giving me 120 degrees of rotation. That is 1100% increase!!! The fact that I have kept this much motion for 6 months is huge and I will most likely not have a problem with it ever again. Therefore, surgery+radiation= success!!! I no longer have to eat with my left hand. :]

I was once told that I was cute- even in the hospital. I, personally, think thats a lie, but I'll share this picture anyway. Haha.

Now on to other amazing things.... I have started my Christmas shopping! Legendary! I have never began my Christmas shopping prior to about December 12th before, and this year, I have a feeling if I dont do it now, it will not get done. Extended family, do not fear, I have your gifts. :]

This week my Papa Rod is going through very intense measures to try to stop his leukemia. Papa Rod, love and prayers are in my heart.

My Journey has sure taken some crazy twists and turns, but I have faith it will work out in the end.

Keep smiling.

Searching for a Feeling

"I feel fine enough I guess; considering everything's a mess."

-Barenaked Ladies

Wisdom Teeth. So glad I only have 2. Or had, I suppose. They are no longer mine or with me. In their stead are holes, swelling, and a whole lot of pain.

I am incredibly pale- I lost a lot of blood this morning when they took the IV out. They took part of the tube off and didnt close the part attached to my arm, letting blood flow out of my arm, down to my hand and fingers and all over the floor. Thats what I woke up to and I've been dizzy all day.

I am getting the feeling in my face back (I was numb all the way to my ear) and can finally drink without making a mess. The downside is that with the numbness gone, the pain can take over and do its worst. My swelling isnt as bad as I've seen in other people after they get their wisdom teeth pulled out of their head. I hope it stays this way. I hear day 2 and 3 are the worst.

2 more hours until I get more pain medicine. I hope I last that long. I had to put my ice packs back in the freezer a little while ago and without them, the pain gets much worse. Its nothing to cry over, though, and nothing I cant deal with.

On my own. By myself.

"Men are bad"

-My favorite young women president on the planet, Val Hatch

This is a lesson, learned over a year ago I had apparently forgotten. Well. I will not be forgetting this lesson again any time soon. I have learned to listen to those who love me, trust those who see what I cannot, ask for help from those who know what I need.

Down time allows too much to be thought. Thought of the things undone, the things unsaid; The things tears were shed for, the hurt that cant be healed; The things that were betrayal, the trust that will always be broken. Thoughts of where to go from here.

When I started this blog, I wrote for myself. I still write for myself. To myself. I read a small paragraph of my blog to my sister the other day. She didnt understand what I read to her, but she wanted to hear more. Someday, when she struggles, she will read and understand.

The poetry that has come from Me in different parts of my blog is the poet that I've always wanted to be- only better. Because I write for Myself. The sadness that flows through what I write heals me. Its my way of dealing. Especially when there is no one else.

I wish I had a friend to talk to on the phone. Today has been lonely. I suppose part of healing is hurting though. Hurting always leads to healing eventually. Directly or indirectly. We hurt until we decide to heal, or we heal and decide to go through the hurt.

Things are looking up from here. I came to that realization last night after a talk with my bishop. Theres nothing like laying down what you want to leave behind and being told that you can do it, that you have a better person to become. Better than what you were, and better than you could have become on your own. No better feeling in the world. I know that my Redeemer lives.

Everything will be ok.

Silent Wars

"Stupid girl, I should have known...."

-Taylor Swift

I thought my title was pretty clever, considering I lost my voice this morning. I went to a haunted forest on a blind date last night and apparently screaming did not help my already-weakening voice from my cold. Now I get to whisper everything. :]

Things have been looking up since the weekend, but now I get to think about getting my test done and getting my wisdom teeth out... awesome. Its all good though, I will watch lots of movies and hopefully get a few new ones out of being bed-ridden for a few days. I haven't yet decided if I will be putting a picture of my chipmunk face; I will have to see how bad it gets before I do.

The War part of my title comes from all the crazy thoughts in my head. I cant get them organized. Just when I think I do, they go crazy again. Again, I am so glad this is Fall Break. I would have died if it wasnt. I think the first thing I will do is clean my room (that always makes me feel better) and then organize my shopping list- not that I have any money now, but for when I get around to saving up for something. I finally got a full-length mirror for my room, and now I can see all of myself at the same time. Needless to say, my checking account is almost dry. I get paid on Friday, hopefully it will be a little bigger than my last pay-check and I will be able to resist buying the shoes I want from work.

I have decided to start running again- an almost free hobby- to get back into shape and maybe do a few races in the Spring. I figure why not with Liberty Park just a few blocks from my house. I'm hoping I dont get intimidated by all the pro-athletes that run there. Ha.

This random post was dedicated to getting my thoughts a little more organized than before. It helped a little.

To the rest of you who have become subject to my random thoughts, thank you.

Wish me luck with the rest of this week.

"Whats the point in all this screaming, no ones listening anyway."

-The Goo Goo Dolls

Simply Complicated

"....That I should go and this should end, and I found myself listening...."

-Missy Higgins

I was once told of a sister missionary who excitedly told a man I know, "God loves his children!!" This, I know to be true. I have definitely been looked out for the last few days by good friends and people who love me. It was much needed and much appreciated.

I would like to take a minute to say I am sorry to all those who I did not listen to. I was wrong; you were right. "I told you so" -All of you who did, in fact, tell me so. Again, I am sorry.

There was never a better scheduled Fall Break in all of time. It came right at the end of my rope, the last straw, the last beacon of hope... And now the scripture "run and not be weary" comes to life. No matter how hard this week will be, if it was any later, I would break down.

I have already faced the fact that this week will be hard but I've asked for the help where I needed it, and the Lord will bless me to rise to my potential this week. I'm very grateful for the ones I have that have helped me so far. :]

Now, I pray for peace of mind and forgiveness.