Choosing Happiness

"Dont worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing is gonna be alright"
-Bob Marley
I have recently become obsessed with the concepts of perspective and attitude. While seeing a different perspective may change your attitude completely on any given subject, attitude is completely a choice on how to see the world. Every year Summer comes to a close and Autumn willingly shortens itself to give way to a bossy, controlling Winter that wears its welcome each year. Why talk about seasons when talking about attitude? Simply because it is much easier to hate snow than to like it, but it makes for a much happier Winter to decide you like it. Winter is long, hard, dark, and can be quite lonely. Why decide you hate everything about it? Why put yourself in a bad mood about Winter when you can decide to like it, to be ok with it, to spite your enemy, that is Winter, and enjoy yourself?
I focus on Winter because most people can relate to the feelings we have against it. However, changing our attitude about Winter can be applied to anything we may not be able to control but have no choice to remove ourselves from. I need to work on my attitude about homework, among other things. While I can complain all I want about how much I have, how difficult it is to understand, or how many tests I have at any given time, all it does is waste my time and energy. My new goal is to focus not on how much I dislike spending time working on homework, but to see the good. I want to be able to see 3 good things in each undesirable situation given to me.
While I may not have the best attitude, I want to be among the best. I want to choose happiness. I want to be able to create a safe-zone for myself in a storm of life that doesnt let up no matter how worn down I become. Being able to laugh during a hard time is something I've always prided myself on. Now I will focus on looking up, looking forward, and being positive.
I am a big believer in attitudes being everything. Liking and disliking anything needs to be a conscious decision. I did not like running until I decided to like it. Now I love it. You will not like vegetables until you decide to like them. You will not like someone until you decide to. I think life is too long for us to decide not to like it.
My perspective in the last while has changed greatly because the first few years of college is when you become You. I am currently becoming Me. I can choose who I am friends with, who I date, where I work, what I study, whether or not I study, what I eat, where I go, etc. The list could go on forever. To sum it up, I make my own decisions. It takes perspective to make most of those decisions. Without the right perspective, it would be very easy to make the wrong decision. For months I was very upset about being the only one in my circle of friends that wasnt dating. Then I was dating. It never felt right, and ultimately it didnt work. Now I know that my time alone is going to be worth it when I am with the one I end up marrying. I dont know, yet, who that will be, but I know it will be worth it. With relation to school, without the right perspective and thinking about my whole life, and not just about me here and now, I can decide to study something that will benefit me forever.
I hear and have seen that many girls go wild in their first few years of college. The new-found freedom is too much. They get tattoos, they party, they have friends they never would have before. Soon, their actions start to define them and instead of just acting, they become that person. They become the partier, the drunk, or the whore. If they would stop and think of a correct perspective and see their potential, the potential of a family, of a wonderful life, of being addiction-free, would they continue down the path that is so hard to come back from? Maybe a boring, date-free summer isnt so bad after all.
May we all see with perspective and choose our attitude with discretion.
May we all be happy on purpose.

Real Worlds

"Driving away from the wreck of the day."
-Anna Nalick
Have you ever thought something could go right? I mean something unexpected and unlikely. The pieces were falling together just perfectly and you thought, "maybe this could work. Maybe its my turn."
Have you ever thought something could go right and then you chickened out before it got its chance?
Have you ever thought something could go right and then you realized that you dont get a fairy-tale?
I have.
Its an interesting feeling, when you have something, because you expect it to be there for you. The feeling. Its supposed to be there to keep you safe from the scary world that you're not a part of. You're not a part of the scary world. Just the real world where people laugh, cry, die, live, love, and thrive. Thats the real world. You're a part of that world. The scary world is where freak accidents happen, people leave, people are murdered, and people stop loving. They stop caring. But you're not a part of the scary world. That isnt your world and you dont worry about it. Until....
When the scary world shows itself to you, you stop trusting. You curl up in a ball and keep to yourself. You dont want to let anyone in because of whats happened in the past. We all have our own scary world, I'm not dramatizing my own life to make it worse than anyone else's, I just wish I could find a replacement. Something better. I wish I could move out of the scary world and back to the real world where everyone else is.
I've learned that trusting doesnt get you very far because trusting only means opening yourself to harm. You openly seek that hurt from the scary world. The scary world doesnt care about you. Neither do the people you come to trust. You are expendable and replaceable and there is no reason for them to care about you, or go out of their way to make sure the scary world hasnt killed you. Life is cruel.
So, when something comes your way and has the potential of going right, you want to believe. You want to think this might be your chance; your turn. But then, remembering what the scary world has just done to you, you walk away before you are hurt, left, and broken. Again.
I'm on my way back to the real world, where people laugh, cry, die, live, love, and thrive.
I want to be there. And I want to be alone.

Maybe

"You know I love you so"
-Coldplay
This is me taking a chance on you. I opened myself to you, and now I wait for the reply. The reply of rejection, welcome, or nothing at all.
I'm not sure what would be worse to me, being rejected or being ignored.
For now, I will pretend I'm not excited to hear from you, not excited to know about you. I will keep on in my little world of stress and misery and wonder- wonder if you could ever love me like I think I can love you.
I scare myself silly at the thought, so I really dont blame you if your first reaction is to reject the idea of love I have offered to you. If the time is not right, I hope someday I can be yours; I can be your One.
Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm dreaming. But if there's any way you could love me, I ask you to try. Let me show you I can love. Just let me be yours. Most of all, show me that love is real. Show me that I can have love. Fables aside, give me a fairy tale ending and let me yours.
I want to find out that love isnt a made up story.
I want to find out with you.