Oh Joyous Times

"We learn and grow by overcoming challenges with faith, persistance, and personal righteousness."
-Ann M. Gibb
This week was hard.
The End.
Not really.... I wont elaborate on that though. The hard week is now over, because its Sunday morning now and it is a new day already and today will be better than yesterday. I hope.
Later today (since after all, it is Sunday morning now) I will give a talk in church. About charity. I think.... Service, actually.
Anyway, my first year going to efy, I went alone, which meant rooming with someone I didnt actually know. My roommate's name was Summer. She was definately interesting. Needless to say, that was not the best week of my life. But, I did learn something that has stuck with me ever since. At one of the many devotionals, my councelor told us that her father taught her that when she was having a bad day she was to do something good for someone else. Well from this lesson taught by her father, my councelor ended up secretly giving the most popular girl in her dorm hall (she was away at college) a flower a friend gave to my councelor. She said she didnt know why she did it but she did anway. A day or two later there was a note on the community board to the "Flower Giver" and about how it had made her day. We never know what something we do means to someone else.
Tying this back to my bad week, my topic for my talk was chosen a month ago. By someone else. With a week this terrible, what better way to end it and kick off the new week by talking about how the Lord uses us to answer the prayers of other people. Throughout this bad week, I wonder how many chances I missed to serve others that needed it because I was wrapped up in my own problems. I will definately not make this a habit. Now that I've used up half an hour of my precious nighttime/sleep-time/talk-writing-time, I will start writing my talk about serving others and hopefully get over the guilt quickly.
In the future, I will serve often and procrastinate seldom. :]
Good night and good morning.

Thoughts of a Thinker

"How my thoughts they spin me 'round"

-Greg Laswell

I think the quote says it all. I had two paragraphs writen when I realized I had no idea what I was talking about so I started over. I have officially been given way too much time to just think. I spend way too much time thinking. About the future, about college, about my family, about moving. Not to mention that pesky thing we call school.

School- noun 1. an institution where instruction is given, esp. to persons under college age: The children are at school.

I feel like I'm in a downward spiral of helplessness. I think too much then lose sleep. When I lose sleep I have a hard time focusing my thoughts or staying on the same thought for more than a few seconds. Being all over the place with my thoughts makes me tired. At the end of the day I have thought about so much that I am absolutely sure I have missed something completely. I feel like all I can do is think. Think about what I will be doing in 2 months, 2 weeks, 2 days.

Off to DreamLand to find my NeverLand.

Good night World.

Here Goes Nothin!

"Whatever you do, do it well"
-Unknown
Tonight I was at my seminary graduation with all the people I have known for years and years. We have grown up and apart together. As we grew up, we grew apart. I was looking around a little surprised at who was there when I realized that not only was I being very rude about what I thought about the people there, I wasnt seeing them for what they are. I looked around at all of us seniors and for the first time, saw the good that the people my age can, have, and will do. It was very surprising to me.
All these years as I have been trying to think "they are a child of God" instead of pointing out all their faults, I havent seen what they are truely worth. Tonight I saw so much potential in all the people my age. As we grew up, we grew apart and through growing apart each of us has our own path to walk down; we have our own lists of lives to bless and things to learn and spiritual growth to be had. I couldnt believe I had never seen this before. The potential each of us has is so great and I completely missed it. I missed it because I was too busy being jealous or judging or being self-righteous. For the first time I can honestly say that I hope for the very best of each of the people in my graduating class. Especially those within the church.
Today in church, my friend asked me, mostly joking, "Why are we here?" I said, "In church?" And she said, "No, on the Earth." I said, "Well, to be tested." She gave me a blank look and said, "Why?" I said, "Because." I would not make a very good missionary. Its one thing to understand. Its another to help others understand.
At seminary graduation I was struggling to pay attention to the last speaker and while I was off in my own little world, I was thinking about that question asked to me as a joke. I decided that while the reason is to be tested, it is also so we can get to know ourselves as Heavenly Father knows us. The last thought shared with us was that we are spiritual beings having a mortal experience, not the other way around. I hope I never forget this.
I realized that through this particular meeting, the leaders that have 'held our hands' all our lives were finally stepping back and letting go, while trying to tell us how scared they were for us. I'm not sure it was very comforting. I think that being with us each step of the way, they know us well enough to see our potential and how quickly it could be lost. I dont see my own potential very well a lot of the time, but I know others do.
I hope I can run, walk, and fight through life regret-free. I hope I can live up to my potential. Not for anyone else, just for me. So I can say I did it and so when I meet my Savior, He will be proud of the things I've done. If you have helped me see my potential or have helped me in any way, thank you very much. Thank you for helping me through my fears and my tears that have come through my teenage years.
Your efforts have not been for nothing.
To all those who know me and love me anyway,
Thank You. :)

My Passionate Obsession

"One step short of crazy what do you get?"...."Passionate."

-National Treasure

I have become obsessed with Italy. I spent a week touring Italy in the summer of 2009 and completely fell in love. I love the language, the people, the food, and the atmosphere. There was not a single place that I did not fall in love with and would not go back to in a heart beat. The last few months I have watched a few movies that are set in Italy and I think my obsession has really taken off. A few pictures from my trip....

Completely in love......

And now I'm back down to Earth again and trying to focus on the events I have ahead of me. I am ready to graduate in every way but I'm not ready to deal with what comes after that. The day after graduation I'm going on a trip for two weeks with my dad. :] 5 (or 6...) days after getting home, my mom is getting married. I have 2 weeks to get a dress. Life is good. :)

Ah the joys of going to college. Oh hopefully I'll find a job in July so I dont have to live with my dad for very long.

I had a very lovely birthday last week and I got a variety of presents, including a nightlight, slime, a coconut bra, and an unexpected present from my boyfriend in California. I sleep well at night knowing that if I ever need a toy, I now have a toybox conveniently located in my closet, made up of my 18th birthday presents.

The first 17 years of my life have come to a close. I will now take my last few steps of high school then jump into the unknown.

Ready. Set. Jump.

Let the Changes Begin!

"What happens next? I dare you to move"
-Switchfoot
I realize that I'm focused very much on beginnings. I didnt plan this. I thought I was being clever with this title, sort of like, "let the games begin!" only it was changes, because so much change is coming so quickly. Instead I just looked obsessed with that word. Haha. As for the changes. Tonight I tied lovely, frustrating, stupid bows on my mother's wedding invitations. We're all very excited. :) In just over three weeks, I graduate from high school. Do I really need to elaborate on that? College in the fall, moving out, getting a job, meeting new people, and growing up.
I've grown used to change and have come to find that I like the changes more than I like when things stay the same. After so many changes right in a row, you get to be a little concerned when the next change isnt coming fast enough because of what it may hold in store for you. Change isnt a bad word. Not in my book. Change does, however, mean that you cannot look back and cannot dwell on what "coulda", "shoulda", "woulda". That is the hardest part about change for me.
Over the past few weeks, I have found that planning for the future is one of the hardest things you can do. The future is too unknown to plan for. The unexpected is expected, throwing off any chance you had at plannig for it. Sometimes you feel like life is laughing in your face saying, "you didnt see that one comeing, did you?" Of course I have plans and of course I know where I want my life to go, but is it going to go as I want? No.
At church and at school we have been planning for any emergency that may happen. The most probable- an earthquake. We can plan as much as we want but we still dont know when it is going to happen. Planning for the future is smart, but frustrating. Patience is a virtue that I will be working for all my life.
Each time I take a moment to really focus on what I need to do for the changes that are soon to come, I become more at ease with the future. College seems a little less hard, and growing up seems a little less scary. The future is still unknown, but I'm more comfortable with it every time I accept it and look willingly forward to it.
Future, ready or not, here I come.

Beginning

"In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth."
-Genesis 1:1
Most stories start at the beginning. My story starts at the beginning of a new chapter and the end of an old one. There is no definite beginning to one and end to the other, as I have learned the hard way. We need to concentrate on the future almost more than we focus on the here and now. As I focus so much on the future, I find the present passing me by before I can grasp the time I am losing so quickly. So why would I sit down on a Friday night in May of my senior year and create a blog? So that I can make myself look around instead of focusing ahead, just enough to take a breath and keep going.
I dont mean for this blog to have much of any interest to anyone but myself, although sharing my "oh so profound" thoughts about the world around me seemed like it would be much more fun than sitting on Facebook.... Most of my blogs will contain random thoughts or pictures of the things I do or think about. Little by little, the Melissa that is truely me will unfold and shine through the writing that is tying to hide it. The Melissa you find there is me. Me at my best, and worst, self.
Welcome to my blog. This is my Journey....